Some decisions are tough to make. I've been pondering one of those tough decisions now--and have been for awhile--without making much progress. I realized recently, however, that my lack of progress is probably due to the fact that I've simply been ricocheting back and forth between choice A, which is what I feel I want to do, and choice B, which is what I feel obligated to do. (Important to note: both choices are completely moral and reasonable.) It has occurred to me that if I inform my decision with only these two criteria--desire versus obligation--it will be impossible to choose one without thinking and feeling that I forsook the other. At least for this decision these are poor criteria. So I'm thinking about other criteria. And the one that popped into my mind and then popped in front of me in devotional reading and multiple e-mails on the same day (multiple and almost simultaneous "poppings" of the same message seems to me to be a sign to pay attention) was the concept of "Seek ye first the kingdom of God..." (Matthew 6:33). Trying to focus on this as the primary (dare I say sole?) decision-making criterion hasn't exactly caused an immediate course of action to crystallize in my mind, as it's not necessarily easy to determine which course of action best fulfills that directive. It has, however, stopped, or at least slowed, the bouncing of thoughts between desire and obligation. These two poles have lessened as motivators and some new options have come into my mind. The urgency to choose has been at least partially replaced with some degree of patience and curiosity about the choice and its triggering situation. I'm feeling less a victim forced into a decision I didn't ask to make and more like a chess piece waiting to see where she best fits into the winning game being played by the Master.